August 19, 2013
I had the most wonderful surprise presented to me today. Though, I don’t know why it should be a surprise. It seems perfectly logical that someone would want to sketch my likeness. After all, I am quite beautiful and clever and a wonder to behold. It is only natural that others see that in me. As a result, one of my minions, Denise, has outdone herself. Despite her limitations of not being me, she managed to find the wherewithal to create a thing of beauty—a picture of me!
Here is a little portrait she worked up of a typical day for me:
I am considering removing Denise from the shark feeding department and promoting her to assistant manager of the doomsday device department. Bart has complained about needing an aide to help sketch working drafts for Dr. Astic. There is no need to let such a talent go to waste.
And I can always find someone else for the sharks to eat. I hope it’s not too late.
Note to self: Begin testing minions for hidden abilities before making them chum.
That’s all I have for you today. I am already late for my therapy session and Dr. Freeman abhors tardiness.
He offered me his watch yesterday to keep up with the time, but I found it hard to wear after I shoved it in that hole I shot in his thigh. Ah, well, I just wanted to drop in and share my excitement about the picture. If she still possesses all of her limbs, I might have her work up even more sketches. I just hope it doesn’t cost me an arm and a leg. Or rather her.
Get it? Shark food? Arm and a leg? HA! I kill me.
Which is good, because if anyone else tried to kill me they would regret it.